104 | Eliminating Should with Tricia Your Joyologist

eliminate shoulds do wants
Eliminating "should" from her language had profound impact on Tricia's life. "Should makes us think outside of ourselves, replacing it with want brought it back to me and owning that thought, feeling or belief."

I am coming off a weekend at Camp FI which is like summer camp with people who are interested in doing things differently with their life and I must say, I have come to think money is the least interesting thing to talk about. Perhaps because I am not motivated by money.  Through my own money story and working with and alongside high-net worth individuals I have come to learn that money does not equal happiness.  The sooner we can detach our worth and purpose from money I think the higher the odds for contentment and fulfillment.  That is certainly not easy which is why I was so excited to have this conversation today.  

Before I jump into the episode today I wanted to mention that many have asked how they can follow our journey.  I have decided that the best place to stay connected will be through our email list and choose the Family Gap Year Adventure topic (and any other topic you are interested in) https://ordinarysherpa.com/subscribe/ I have started a blog and will be sharing some of the stories and deeper learnings of life on the road with 3 kids and a dog and all the real life things that go along with that.  I will still be posting on Instagram and will keep the podcast more broad than our gap year, however there will occasionally be episodes highlighting the gap year diaries :).  

Website for this episode: https://ordinarysherpa.com/104
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Tricia Huffman, aka Your Joyologist, is a rock and roll roadie at heart and by first career. She specializes in working with those in the public eye to keep them in integrity with who they want to be while also enjoying the life they are living. She is a mental health and mindset expert known for sharing real talk with heart, calling you to uncover and honor who YOU are, and empowering you to claim your joy daily via her first book (F The Shoulds. Do The Wants.), social media, Claim it! Podcast, Own Your Awesome daily inspiration App, and everything that she does. 

Key Takeaways

  1. Tricia was living her dream as a sound engineer next to musical icons living their dreams of making music.  However, her dad died suddenly which shook her more than any anticipated loss.  “I wanted to shake people up to be present in their life.” Even people who appeared to have it all, living their dream life struggled with feeling like they were enough and finding daily joy.
  2. Tricia was living her dream life – she kept getting pulled back into and loved the identity that came with it – and still had a yearning for “what’s next?”
  3. Music tour life provided everything for her and offered a built in community of people you love like family in some way. There are also toxic environments.  Ironically the bigger tours, bigger venues with bigger artists that she initially defined success by, were actually the most toxic environments.  

  4. Taking a pause allowed her to go deep into herself.  By giving up the word should and changing it to want gave her the power and ability to support others being present to their life.  Being present doesn’t mean you ignore the struggles of life.  It means you recognize the realities of life AND still make space for joy.  

  5. Even though she lived life on her terms, it was surprising how present the word SHOULD was embedded into her language and because of that, her mentality.  In the exercise of eliminating should, she would catch herself and pause, noticing how often she said the word should and was stuck with the question “what can I say instead?”

  6. Just paying attention to this one word had her examingin her thoughts, feelings, and truths.  Then having the ability to not take that as her truth.  Should makes us think outside of ourselves, replacing it with want brought it back to me and owning that thought, feeling or belief.  

  7. When people notice and work through their should list if often reveals that people might not know what they want.  We have such extensive should files so asking “why do I want that?” can help go deeper.

  8. Giving yourself the ability to focus on why offers clarity on impact, and why you might want to do the thing or give flexibility and voice to how else you can do it.  In the meditation example – maybe I take 3 deep breaths instead of a focused sitting meditation as an example.  We keep ourselves from doing what we want based on what we think it should look like.  

  9. When things feel stuck, how can I make space for joy OR how can I nurture myself?  So often we are pursuing something bigger, and our worth is tied up in that bigger thing.  How can you make space to take care of yourself, to nurture yourself, do things that bring you joy and celebrate I am alive today.  

  10. It seems we are trained to know what fulfillment looks like, but what does it feel like?  For me it comes from the small day to day stuff.  Walks outside are a strategy to redirect negative energy and practicing how to notice and be present in nature.  

To Connect with or Follow Tricia Huffman

BOOK LANDING PAGE:  Ftheshouldsdothewants.com

Website: triciahuffman.com

Podcast: Claim it!

App: Own Your Awesome


IG @_triciahuffman

TikTok @_triciahuffman 

FB @yourjoyologist 

Twitter @yourjoyologist

Where to Listen

Apple Podcast, Spotify, Stitcher,  Google Podcast, anywhere podcasts are played